Transfer Deadline Day As It Happened; Chelsea Sign Meireles

Oh man. Stonking hangover. Gonna regret this. Anyway, here we go. Transfer deadline day - live! I’m going to do my best to keep up with all the transfer news that affects Chelsea FC. Join me. Please. You never know, it could yet be a repeat of January. All comments welcome. But please don’t use the phrase “window slams shut”. I will ban you.

9:20 a.m.: Let’s start with BBC Sport’s gossip column. The Sun reports that we have made a £30m move for Bayern Munich’s Franck Ribery, while the Daily Mirror says we’ve agreed a £20m deal to sign Porto’s Alvaro Pereira. We have also been linked with moves for Genk’s Kevin De Bruyne, Bolton’s Gary Cahill and of course Spurs’ Luka Modric, although Harry Redknapp has told Sky Sports News he is ‘one million percent’ certain Modric will not make a deadline day move away from White Hart Lane. Yeah, yeah.

Right, that’s enough for now. I’m going in search of coffee and ibuprofen.

9:50 a.m.: Ian McGarry on Twitter reacting to the Ribery rumours:

Owner's desire for better club image doesn't stretch to under age prostitute scandals.

Quite. I don't think Ribery's all that anyway. Much better players out there.

As for transfers out of Stamford Bridge, Yossi Benayoun is moving to one of Spurs, Arsenal, Liverpool, Galatasaray or quite possibly Accrington Stanley. No one knows. Come to think of it, no one knows anything.

Alex and Malouda’s names have also been linked with moves elsewhere.

And yes, Blueboydave, Kaka’s name has been spotted in several Twitter streams. It’s obligatory.

9:53 a.m.: Maddest rumour of the day so far. We have offered Hilario and £3m to Bolton for Kevin Davies.

10:10 a.m.: Oh. I forgot Joao Moutinho. We’ve been linked with him too.

10:50 a.m.: I risked it and popped out for half an hour. Did I miss anything? Only that McGarry fella on Twitter again:

[Chelsea] will offer £30m plus Florent Malouda to [Spurs] in exchange for Luka Modric. [Spurs] have asked for Didier Drogba.

They can have Malouda.

11:05 a.m.: More Twitter rumour. We have rejected a loan move for McEachran to Wigan. Good.

11:30 a.m.: Right. I’ve ingested a couple of slices of toast slathered with Marmite and inhaled a pot of coffee. Feeling a lot further from death than I did an hour ago.

Best Twitter rumour so far. Torres to Atletico Madrid on loan.

12:00 p.m.: Twelve Eleven hours to go. Just 12 11.

Accrington Stanley chief executive Rob Heys has told BBC Sport:

It's going to be a very quiet day. I've told the manager to turn off his phone because he's got enough players. I don't expect any movement... unless Fernando Torres becomes available.

Benayoun is said to be disappointed.

12:15 p.m.: Rumour. Alex to Juventus for £8m.

12:50 p.m.: Remember a player called Joe Cole? He’s just signed for French champions Lille on a season-long loan. Liverpool promised him Champions League football…

1:00 p.m.: Ten hours to go…

1:10 p.m.: Tweet from Football Agent:

Ribery signs for Chelsea.

1:20 p.m.: Tweet from Fulham & Hammersmith Chronicle's Dan Levene:

Ignore the Ribery nonsense. People who know more about German football than me say Ribery can't be transferred: not on the Bundesliga list.

1:22 p.m.: Clarification:

Bundesliga list doesn't prevent overseas transfers (so wouldn't rule out Ribery). Still can't see it happening.

1:35 p.m.: Vitesse loan for Davila.

1:50 p.m.: Bored so Googled hangover cures. I’m a fan of hair of the dog but that’s ruled out because I have to drive later. Looks like I will have to ride this one out.

2:00 p.m.: Nine hours to go…

2:25 p.m.: BBC’s Dan Roan on Twitter:

Reliably informed as it stands Alex will not be going to Arsenal, and talks between Chelsea and Porto for Alvaro Pereira have broken down.

2:50 p.m.: Talk of Benayoun returning to Liverpool. Hints at Meireles coming the other way.

2:55 p.m.: Raphael Honigstein on Twitter re Ribery:

Bayern sporting director Nerlinger to Süddeutsche: 'no offer & complete non-starter'.

3:00 p.m.: Eight hours to go. EIGHT HOURS. If we don't sign anyone I'm going to be bitterly disappointed.

3:55 p.m.: Uh-oh.

Sky Bet: Liverpool now 2/1 favourites to sign Chelsea striker Daniel Sturridge today. They were 9/1 to sign him before, but we've seen a steady stream of bets this afternoon.

4:00 p.m.: Seven hours to go...

Round-up: Nothing has happened. Nothing. Nada. Squat. Zip. It’s all quiet on the West London front. I’m going outside.

4:15 p.m.: Word on the Tweet:

Florent Malouda, linked with Spurs as part of Modric deal, says: "I've still got two years left on my Chelsea contract." Refusing to go.

5:00 p.m.: Six hours to go. Hitting the bottle. Hair of the dog.

5:20 p.m.: Rumours of a late bid for 26-year-old Cesena midfielder Marco Parolo.

6:11 p.m.: Four hours and 49 minutes to go…

To borrow a phrase from the inimitable Homer Simpson: “Boring.”

6:45 p.m.: Benayoun is in talks with Arsenal about a loan move.

I just tuned into Sky Sports News for the first time today. Oh dear. Oh dearie me.

6:55 p.m.: Van Aanholt to Wigan on a season-long loan.

7:20 p.m.: Sky Sports News. Pointless. At least half an hour behind Twitter. “Sky sources” my arse.

7:30 p.m.: Kakuta to Bolton on loan until January.

7:35 p.m.: Dan Levene on Twitter:

Looking like confirmation from the Emirates: Yossi Benayoun on season-long loan to Arsenal.

8:08 p.m.: Two hours and 52 minutes to go. No news is good news, right? I’m starting to suspect this has been a bit of a waste of time. Hmm…

9:50 p.m.: I’ve kinda lost interest. Watching TV. Not Sky Sports News. Still have an eye on Twitter though. £40m for Modric? Insane. Spurs’ Levy insane to turn it down.

10:07 p.m.: Back in the hot seat. I haven’t lost all hope just yet…

10:33 p.m.: Benayoun has confirmed on his personal Twitter account that he has signed for Arsenal.

10:35 p.m.: Meireles has submitted a transfer request:

Liverpool Football Club have tonight confirmed that Raul Meireles has submitted a written transfer request.

It's looking more likely he will be our one signing on the last day of the transfer window.

10:50 p.m.: Dan Levene on Twitter:

This from BBC on Harry's claimed £40m Chelsea bid for Modric: it was actually £30m + Alex (good sources). Spurs turned it down.

10:52 p.m.: Benayoun’s season-long loan move to Arsenal confirmed by the club.

11:00 p.m.: Deadline day comes to an end, the transfer window is closed. Waiting on official confirmation that we’ve signed Meireles from Liverpool for £12m.

11:08 p.m.: Meireles signing confirmed by the club:

Chelsea Football Club is delighted to announce the signing of Raul Meireles from Liverpool on a four-year contract.

11:25 p.m.: I’m happy with how things turned out. As much as I admire Modric £30-40m was too much. Is he better than Fabregas who went for £35m? No. Spurs are left with an unhappy player while we get Meireles for £12m. Not bad for a proven 28-year-old international. Nice set of tattoos too. I like what I’ve seen of him and, according to Opta Sports, he’s scored as many Premier League goals in 2011 (five) as Torres. So there’s that. Also, two of our promising youngsters - Van Aanholt and Kakuta - have gone on loan to Premier League clubs. The future’s bright. But for now, as Mark said, let’s all be patient during what is likely to be a season of transition.

Goodnight.